Anonymously Yours

So tired of always thinking the same thoughts about you before I sleep.
Why do you get to be the last thing I think about?
What makes you so special?
So tired period. Of the bullshit that makes relationships so hard.
So tired period of everything about me, that causes relationships to fail.
My commitment phobia.
My fear of someone falling in love with me.
My fear of giving myself fully to someone else.
Some days it seems harder than others, but at the end of the day, I realize that I need to grow up and get over myself and over my fears.
I've been lonely lately. More so than ever before.
I need to make changes to better myself. I need to find someone who makes me happy.
Someone who can be there for me when no one else is, which is often.
And someone to care for me, and look out for me.
I've been alone for too long.
I need to move forward and grow up.
I need to start building relationships, instead of pushing everyone away.
I need to believe in myself again.
And I need to believe that the life I want, exists.
Somewhere. Anywhere. And I will get to it somehow.