Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Ok. Confession Time.
One of the reasons that I'm single,
and have always been,
Is because of some things that have happened to me in the past.
I have this thing,
where when someone shows even the slightest bit of intrest in me,
It kind of weirds me out, even if I like this person a lot!
I don't know what it is or what's wrong with me,
But it's getting A LOT better!
I'm just not really a huge fan of myself,
There's definately more things I don't like about myself,
then things that I do, and I usually just avoid talking about them.
I grew up being verbally abused a lot at home.
And not sexually abused, but definately borderline by guys from school and such.
They've touched me pretty innapropriately and did some other awful things that I don't really want to say on the internet.
And so when guys show any signs of intrest in me I usually back off,
because I immediately think "Why the heck would they like me?"
I used to have a lot of trouble letting people in too,
and I was much more satisfied to just be alone, rather then have friends.
I've only recently gotten over these fears slightly more,
And I'm definately doing better then I was before.
It's kind of hard to believe, because of the kind of person that I am, in person,
But I've legit never told anyone about this stuff before.
Then I get the idiots that talk about me at school to their friends,
about how "hot" they think I am, and they always stare at my chest VERY obviously.
These are the people that throw me off, and make me super self-concious again.
I am scared shitless of guys like that, and try to avoid them at all costs.
But anyways, that's my super long confession of a bunch of things that I've never told anyone before.
Thanks to everyone who read this and is so supportive!!
This was really hard for me to admit, because you always hear about girls that have been abused and they don't even realize it. So many people think that being sexually abused is just being raped, but it's a lot more than that, and I've only just realized this in the past 6 or so years. A lot of people are also abused in smaller ways, and they don't think that it's as bad as it could be. So I hope that if you are reading this today and you think that maybe you yourself have been touched innapropriately or someone has said something to you before that made you feel extremely uncomfortable or scared, or even has made you feel worthless. That I know how you feel and I wish that I could hug you in person so badly. I encourage you to telly somebody and to get it off your chest.

2 comments:

  1. I love you too Leah!!
    I'm happy that at least one person reads my blog lol!!

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